One of the things that just about every person who knows me will attest to is, on the subject of my cinematic tastes, I am an odd bird. I love all films really, I adore the medium of film; and hope, one day, to enter into it. Carnally if possible. Good movies are good, great movies are great, but in my world, awful movies are the tops. I can watch the worst of the worst with a smile on my face, granted a scary, fixed smile, but a smile none the less.

Actual photo of me watching Sharktapus.

My love of these terrible, awful, very bad movies led me, and my friends, to create a low budget movie show on the small, terrible, awful, very bad, public access station that I used to work for. It was a pretty cheesy show with a great title: B Movie B Happy, and, despite the better efforts of ADD and laziness, we managed to knock 20 episodes out before one of our cast members, TJ, had to go under the knife and receive a full knee replacement (not the fault of the show, I am pretty sure).

I can still remember the excitement I had when I sat down to screen our first post-christmas film for our first season: Laser Mission. We had just finished up a string of holiday shows with the only two I can totally remember being Santa Claus Conquers the Martians and a stinker from the folks that made Pod People called...oh man what was it called? Ah right, The Galaxy Invader. God that was a bad movie...

Right, back on topic. Laser Mission was in my hand. This was an late 80's/early 90's Brandon Lee vehicle that, as I recall, had to do more with a missing diamond than a laser. It was also the worst film I had put on the show up until that point. Worse than Galaxy Invader. Worse than Teenagers From Outer Space. Worse than whatever shows I did besides those. Sure it was a better made film, with a stronger script, and it was shot with actual actors with actual cameras, but it was so slow, and pointless and Brandon Lee (sorry Crow fans) was the least charismatic person ever.

But I was on cloud nine all the same.

I couldn't wait to put this movie on our show because it, unlike all the other drivel I had at my disposal, had an actual ACTOR in it. It had Ernest Borgnine in it! How could that not be amazing! He won an Oscar for god's sake, he has to pick great movies, right? Right?


OK, so I learned a painful lessen that day, just because a great man is in a movie doesn't make the movie great. However, what stuck with me all these years is how damned HAPPY Mr. Borgnine looked in Laser Mission. In fact, if you go back and look at any film or tv show he appeared in it was always the same. He was happy. It didn't matter if he was acting alongside seasoned pros in The Wild Bunch or The Dirty Dozen, or alongside the untalented spawn of a very talented man in Laser Mission, he loved every minute he was in front of the camera with unbridled passion.

That is what I chose to take from the career and life of this man. His whole life was spent doing what made him happy. He acted, and he was happy. He met his wife, he was happy. He masturbated. He was happy.

So very happy...

Find what it is that makes you smile like that crazy old man and do it. Never stop doing it, no matter what. Because if you can find just 1/10th of the sparkle that was in his eyes in Laser Mission, then you will be one of the luckiest people on this rock.

With that in mind, I am starting a new project. I will begin reviewing the movies I watch. Don't expect Spider-Man or anything, I am broke and can't buy tickets to anything, but rather expect the amazingly random stuff I watch when I get bored. I am interested in how this will turn out, and you should be too!

Until next time homies!


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