Take a good long look...let it seep deep into your soul...

OK, I am going to straight up say this...I am deeply, deeply in love with this movie. Not like basic, platonic love, but crazy banging in the back of a 94 Subaru behind the Piggily Wiggly in love.

I'm talking romance bro.

In The Room Tommy Wiseau plays an Alien, who has made a nice little life for himself on Earth despite not knowing the culture, customs of really most of the language spoken by his friends and neighbors, but they really seem to accept him for what he is, which is totally an alien. He has a fiance, an quasi adopted teenaged manboy, and a best friend, and is 100% an alien. No doubt about it.

Wait, let me read the description the movie makers had of the film, shall I...


(Takes off glasses)

di seosoij sosjf

(Puts glasses back on so I can see to type)

Oh. My. God.

He's not an alien?! Seriously? He's human. I cannot accept that. Check out this scene, tell me there is anything human about this man...

You can't say he isn't an alien, can you? You know why? It's not the accent, it's not the poor acting, and it's not the crazy, alien look he is sporting, no it is something underneath all that... Watch the clip again and think about it, NO ONE TALKS LIKE THIS. Not one says "Hi Doggie" like that, no one orders flowers like that. No one talks to florists like that. Everything is a striking fabrication of how humans interact, but just slightly off, like Aldi brand Cola.


I can literally pull scenes from the movie all night (I won't however, cause someone beat me too it). This is crazy sauce right here!!
Tommy Wiseau screams "not even close to fucking human" in every interaction he has, from the opening "Ohhibabe" to his weird and borderline pedofeliac chicken sound "cheep cheep cheep cheeeeeeeeeeep" I am not sure if I am the first to say this, but I will claim I am. Tommy Wiseau is an alien. An alien who made a movie to show how human he is. Like when the Coneheads try to do human activities, they are recognizable but always off.

Either that or Wiseau just wanted to make a movie where characters keep talking about how cool he is. One or the other.

As for the actual movie itself, it is the best kind of terrible. Poor pacing, acting directing, and just a general abundance of Wiseau gives the whole film a vernier of "student film" that belies the true genius that it holds within. The Room isn't just a film, oh no. The Room is performance art, man. It is a film about human drama written, directed, and performed by a man who clearly has never felt a human emotion in his life, and has only the slightest idea of how sex works (he screws a ladies sternum while bad 90's music pipes in. MORE THAN ONCE)

I am being totally honest when I say that I laughed harder at The Room than I did with The Hangover, Bridesmaids and some third comedy put together. And I love it for that.

Now to find a Piggily Wiggly.

Grade: Oh god its an F. Such a terrible movie.

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